so there was this really great guy at work; whom everyone thought was dreamy. he was. i used to stare at him when he walked pass my table. i blushed everytime he talked to me, even when it’s just a simple hello or bye.
i couldn’t really remember how it started but he had been treating me very well the past few months. to a point where he asked me to go together to some events and drove me there and dropped me home. and he was really being so open about it to everyone; like talking and bragging about whatever happened and what a fool i was to think that it was a nice thing; to think that it might be a sign that i have finally become something someone can be proud of.
days ago some girls asked me what happened last week because they saw us leaving together and i didn’t really know if there’s any problem so i just said that he drove me home. and they were like, shocked? no not shocked like WHAT HE DROVE YOU HOME OMFG I SHIP U, nope. more like, ‘really? cant believe this. you better watch out if you thought you have any chance with him because you don’t; because it’s her he wants to be with, not you.’ and i was like? who? her? who? and they were like ‘geez you’re so naive i can’t believe this. everyone knows already that he and xxxx (a girl from the same dept as him) are obviously together and that’s not really a good thing because people from the same dept are not allowed to date each other, that’s the company’s rule, and if anyone find out then one of them could get kicked out and he didn’t want that to happen and he just need another person to shift everyone’s attention so they won’t notice their real issue here?’
i didn’t know what to say. and everyone just kept on nodding; they all knew already. don’t you think that’s funny. i hated it everytime anyone said i was naive, but i guess now i better take another look in the mirror and admit it.
funny. life is funny. just when i thought i might have (finally) become just a little bit special for someone, it proved me wrong in such a way.
ps. there is big, gigantic glob of guilt in my heart for not yet replying everyone’s message. i kept on opening my inbox and reading them all over again because they lift me up, but everytime i’m about to reply my hand just kept on shaking and i kept on wanting to cry because i miss you A LOT and it was so hard to say that i’m ok and there are too many things in head i want to tell you but i don’t know how